Therefore, though I might be very bold in Christ to command you what is fitting,

yet for love’s sake I rather appeal to you– being such a one as Paul, the aged, and now also a prisoner of Jesus Christ–

I appeal to you for my son Onesimus, whom I have begotten while in my chains,

who once was unprofitable to you, but now is profitable to you and to me.

I am sending him back. You therefore receive him, that is, my own heart,

whom I wished to keep with me, that on your behalf he might minister to me in my chains for the gospel.

But without your consent I wanted to do nothing, that your good deed might not be by compulsion, as it were, but voluntary.

For perhaps he departed for a while for this purpose, that you might receive him forever,

no longer as a slave but more than a slave– a beloved brother, especially to me but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord.

If then you count me as a partner, receive him as you would me.

But if he has wronged you or owes anything, put that on my account.

I, Paul, am writing with my own hand. I will repay– not to mention to you that you owe me even your own self besides. (Phlm. 1:8-19)

For a short time, John Wesley was a missionary to America, and worked in the colony of Georgia. The founder was a proud and difficult man named General Oglethorpe. On one occasion, Oglethorpe said to Wesley, “I never forgive.” Wesley replied, “Then I hope, sir, that you never sin.” Wesley was exactly right. If you sin as others sin against you, then you need to grant forgiveness as much as you need to receive it. The poet George Herbert wrote “He that cannot forgive others, breaks the bridge over which he himself must pass if he would ever reach heaven; for everyone has need to be forgiven.”

No one who has truly believed on Jesus Christ and become a Christian could be a stranger to forgiveness. That’s the theme of this very short and personal letter of Paul to Philemon. Philemon was a wealthy man living in the small city of Colosse. The church met in his home, it’s possible his son Archippus was one of the pastors of the church. Philemon was well known for his love for Christ and his love for the saints. People were refreshed, strengthened and helped by him. Paul’s commendation of Philemon is perhaps the most glowing that he makes anywhere of an individual in all the New Testament.

But Philemon experienced a very hurtful event. One of Philemon’s slaves, Onesimus, ran away. Having a slave in Roman times was not necessarily ungodly, by Paul’s time, slaves had more rights than they’d had for many years. Slaves were able to purchase their freedom, some were very well-educated, many lived comfortable lives and enjoyed pleasant relationships with their masters. Philemon would have been one of those masters who treated his slaves with gentleness, kindness and consideration.

But for all that, Onesimus, broke the law, and ran away, damaging Philemon’s finances, reputation, and hurting him personally. But when Onesimus got to Rome, God’s providence led him to Paul, where he heard the Gospel. Onesimus became a Christian, became a useful man, and was repentant over his crime. So Paul sent Onesimus back to ask for forgiveness, reconcile, and put things right with Philemon.

We saw last week that Paul began by prefacing the letter with a statement that Philemon was known for his Christian testimony, and he was known for his service. The implication was, Christians forgive, if they’re true Christians. Christians forgive to keep their ministries effective.

We come today to the real heart of the letter: Paul’s appeal to Philemon to forgive Onesimus. Again, even though the word forgive doesn’t occur, the idea dominates. There are two commands in this section, and these two commands give us an elegantly simple description of the actions of forgiveness. Those two words are receive, and charge.

I. Forgive the Offender By Receiving Him Like Someone Else

Therefore, though I might be very bold in Christ to command you what is fitting,

yet for love’s sake I rather appeal to you– being such a one as Paul, the aged, and now also a prisoner of Jesus Christ–

I appeal to you for my son Onesimus, whom I have begotten while in my chains,

who once was unprofitable to you, but now is profitable to you and to me.

I am sending him back.

Paul, so filled with tact and humility, gently nudges Philemon with his authority, but puts it into the background. He says, I could don my apostolic robe and order you to do what I’m about to ask. I am an apostle by Christ’s commission, and it would not be sinful for me to simply exercise that authority, and command you to do what is fitting and appropriate. Note that. Forgiving Onesimus is not optional. Forgiving him is fitting, appropriate (same word in Colossians 3:18, regarding wives).

But Paul is not using the rod, and the God-given authority. Instead, his appeal is to love. Philemon is a loving man, known for his love. He is not the sort of man who has to be compelled by a rod, because he bristles anytime he gets an instruction. He is the sort of man who is eager to obey, whom Paul expects will go beyond the requirement.

So Paul doesn’t command, but appeals. He even appeals to Philemon’s sympathy. Paul the aged, and Paul the prisoner. Philemon, suffering for Christ has taken its toll on me, my body is spent. I am here in bondage, not at liberty like you, and I’m a prisoner for obeying Christ.

So Philemon, won’t you also obey on this point? I appeal to you. The word is the verb form of the word for the Holy Spirit – the paracletos, the one who comes alongside, to comfort, to advocate for you. I’m advocating, and appealing for Onesimus, the once useless, but now useful to you and me, Onesimus my son. My spiritual son, whom I brought to Christ while in prison. I’m sending him back.

In fact, Onesimus is undoubtedly the one who has just handed this sealed letter to Philemon, and Philemon is reading it while Onesimus waits.

Indeed, Paul wrote four letters from his Roman imprisonment: Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians and Philemon. Almost certainly, the letter to the Colossians was carried by Tychicus, who accompanied Philemon from Rome at the same time.

So what is the appeal, made in love? You will find it in verse 12, in the KJV and the NKJV, and in verse 17.

You therefore receive him, that is, my own heart,

whom I wished to keep with me, that on your behalf he might minister to me in my chains for the gospel.

But without your consent I wanted to do nothing, that your good deed might not be by compulsion, as it were, but voluntary.

For perhaps he departed for a while for this purpose, that you might receive him forever,

no longer as a slave but more than a slave– a beloved brother, especially to me but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord.

If then you count me as a partner, receive him as you would me.

Receive him.

This word receive in the original is a compound of two words. One means towards, and the other means receive. It’s the idea of going towards someone so as to take him in. It means welcome, hospitality, acceptance. Paul commands this of all Christians in Romans 15:7 Therefore receive one another, just as Christ also received us, to the glory of God.

Now Paul qualifies what this looks like in both verse 12 and verse 17. In verse 12, he calls Onesimus my own heart. The word there is the word used in the New Testament to signify the deep-seated affections, the place of compassion and mercy. Splanchna, in the original, which keeps coming up in this epistle – verse 7, verse 20. My heart is bound up with Onesimus, now, and in receiving him, you are receiving me. After all, he’s now my son in the faith.

Remember Philemon, it was a sacrifice for me to even send him back – he had become so useful to me. He was like a missionary from the church in your house, he had become my right arm, and now I’ve cut it off to send him back to make right. My affections, my son is the one standing before you.

And then in verse 17, Philemon, if we are partners, if we are fellow workers in the Gospel, receive him as you would receive me. That’s a rhetorical condition. If we worship the same God, and strive to build the same church, then, Philemon, here’s what you need to do. Receive him as if it’s me standing there.

Now how would Philemon receive Paul? Paul, his father in the faith, Paul the aged, Paul the prisoner, Paul the apostle? We imagine if Philemon heard a knock at the door, opened it, and it was Paul, his surprise would turn into joy. There would be an embrace, warmth, a welcome, refreshment, hospitality. Paul says, that’s how I want you to receive him.

And the reason Philemon can do this, is that Onesimus is repentant. How do we know? Because he is standing there! If he weren’t there, Philemon could rightly doubt how sincere Onesimus was. But he has made the trip, he is submitting himself to possible legal consequences, placing himself at the mercy of Philemon. He is standing there, not with the hard, arrogant attitude of unrepentance, but with the tenderness of one wanting reconciliation.

Now, as we’ll see next week, there is a situation where the person you need to forgive is not repentant, and when that happens, there is a kind of forgiveness you do internally, while waiting for repentance externally. But here you have repentance from Onesimus, so there needs to be forgiveness in Philemon’s heart, and forgiveness expressed in reconciliation.

Receive. There’s a similar idea in verse 15, again we have the word receive.

Philemon 1:15-17 For perhaps he departed for a while for this purpose, that you might receive him forever,

no longer as a slave but more than a slave — a beloved brother, especially to me but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord.

This time, it is a different word in the original, and it means to have someone back permanently. Paul says, perhaps God allowed Onesimus’ rebellion, so that you’d have him back, not as legal property, but now with a bond far deeper, and more permanent: as a brother in Christ.

How does Paul want Philemon to receive Onesimus?

He wants Philemon to receive Onesimus as more than a restored slave, but as a new brother in Christ (vv15-16). Give him the right hand of fellowship. Philemon is to not simply give him his job back; he is to open his heart and fellowship with Onesimus. Welcome him, accept him, love him. He is repentant, he is humble, he wants reconciliation, so embrace him.

This is what biblical forgiveness looks like. When you have forgiven in your heart, and there has been repentance, the result of forgiveness looks like this: full reception of one another. Receive the person like another person. Who is that other person? It is the person minus the offence. We embrace as we used to. We are tender and open hearted as if what caused the breach has now been removed.

Consider the father in the parable of the prodigal son and the elder brother. Which one received him? The father received his son like a different man. The elder brother received him like the fallen man.

That’s a tall order. You watch how children are tight-lipped, cool, and hard, when you force them to reconcile. It’s as little hospitality to the other person as possible.

But adults can be very similar. “Look, I’ve got nothing against him” – would you receive him, if he repented? Some Christians play avoid eye-contact and then we can’t say we have a problem game. Yes, I’ve forgiven, but that doesn’t mean he gets everything back like it used to be.

Does any of this sound like, receive him, as you would receive me? Receive my heart.

Now the second command in this passage really gives us the secret of receiving one another when repentant.

II. Forgive The Offender By Charging the Offence To Someone Else’s Account

Philemon 1:18 But if he has wronged you or owes anything, put that on my account.

I, Paul, am writing with my own hand. I will repay– not to mention to you that you owe me even your own self besides.

For Onesimus to make the long runaway trip to Rome, you can bet that he had helped himself to some money and other goods to make it possible. So now picture Onesimus standing before Philemon, and handing him this letter. Philemon reads it and senses where it is going, but he is conscious of what this has cost him. He has had to pay others to do Onesimus’ work. He has had to replace what Onesimus stole. Maybe Philemon is struggling between his warm-hearted mercy, and his sense of justice. Who is going to set that right? Who pays for the damages?

Paul steps up and says – I will. Put it on my account. That’s literally – charge it to me. This is the same words translated imputed in Romans 5:13 – when something is counted towards another’s account.

In verse 19 he says, here’s my signature. I’m standing full surety for this lad. I will pay the damages, I will compensate, I will fully make up for everything Onesimus has done to you. I myself will make it as if you had never been wronged by him.

Now, I imagine Philemon’s heart just stirring as he reads this. Because, this is Paul the aged, in prison. It is not as if he is swimming in money. Perhaps he had some means – if he was staying in a rented house in Rome. But he is willing to pay the price and penalty of Onesimus’ rebellion, so that Philemon can receive him back debt-free.

But here is why Paul’s words are so crucial to understanding forgiveness. Forgiveness always involves a debt. When we sin, we in some way or another harm, damage, or rob people. We take something from them – their goods, their loved ones, their reputation, their happiness, perhaps we take away their dignity. Sometimes we harm them by what we fail to do – when we fail to keep promises, or live up to vows, or love as we ought, or keep a confidence. The same happens when we are sinned against.

When you have sinned against someone – you stand in his debt. You have harmed him, and in some way or another, you owe it to him to make restitution. When you have been sinned against, the person responsible stands in your debt. Jesus made that crystal clear in His parable of the servant in Matthew 18. His entire illustration of forgiveness revolves around debt.

The problem with forgiveness is this: often the person who has wronged you cannot restore what he has broken – it might be your reputation, it might be your heart. Sometimes the person is simply unwilling to even if he or she can.

Sometimes people are unaware that they have done so. But no matter what the case, God has placed within us a judicial sentiment. Judicial – meaning justice, and sentiment, meaning feeling. Within your heart there is a sense that wrongs must be punished and rights must be rewarded. What is wrong must be made right. So regardless of whether or not the person can pay, or wants to pay or realises he should pay – what is going on in your heart is a demand that they pay. And understand something very important – up to a point, this demand is not sinful. If your window is broken, it is not wrong to want the offender to replace it. If your reputation is smeared, it is not wrong to want the liar to take back his or her lies. If you didn’t have this judicial sentiment in your heart, you would not be made in the image of God, you would not ultimately rejoice in justice.

What do we do when we have this sentiment in our hearts calling on us to desire justice, when the person cannot or will not pay, while being commanded to forgive?

Think about Philemon’s situation. What freed him to forgive Onesimus? Philemon could forgive Onesimus because the damages were going to be covered. Who is going to cover the damages done to us? Who else has stepped up and said ‘put that on my account’?

The Lord Jesus Christ. When Jesus died on the cross, He was saying to the Father, like Paul said to Philemon – charge this to my account, I will repay. And Jesus paid. Not money. But by becoming sin for us, and bearing the wrath of God.

2 Corinthians 5:21 For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.

Because he has paid our debt, we can be received into the presence of God, not simply as creatures who have had their sin debt paid, but as adopted children. And in exactly the same way, we are received by the Father as if He is receiving the Son Himself. That’s what it means to be ‘in Christ’. We are welcomed, received, gladly accepted because the Son not only pays our debt, but His precious life and righteousness now covers us.

Romans 8:31-34 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?

He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?

Who shall bring a charge against God’s elect?

It is God who justifies.

Who is he who condemns?

It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us.

Now, the natural question to ask is, what does Jesus’ dying on the cross have to do with my forgiving someone who harmed me?

The answer is that every sin committed against you, is firstly a sin against God. If you have been genuinely sinned against, then God has also been sinned against. That’s why David could write, “Against You, You only, have I sinned, And done this evil in Your sight (Ps. 51:1)

Who takes sin more seriously, you or God? Who senses the wickedness of sin more, you or God? Whoever has offended you, has offended God greater. And if a sin against you is also a sin against God, then God wants justice as much as you do, in fact, he wants it infinitely more than you do.

Now when a bully at school has been bullying you, and you want justice, would you rather try one more time on your own, or do you want your Dad to be with you on that streetcorner? So if God is more offended than you are for the sin done to you, that’s good news – because it means someone a lot stronger than you is going to deal with it.

There are two places where God’s justice is satisfied – the cross of Jesus Christ, and the lake of fire. On the cross, God Himself has paid for sin. When Jesus Christ died on the cross, He experienced the full wrath of God upon sin. He not only made more than the human restitution, He made restitution before God.

In Hell, the sinner who does not repent pays for his or her own sin. Burning in a lake of fire eternally, satisfies the wrath of God against sin. Either way – the cross, or hell, every sin is dealt with.

Therefore, God can say to every human being who has ever been sinned against: charge that to My account. I will absorb the damages. I have and will see to it that everything broken is fixed, everything covered up will be revealed, everything evil punished.

What does that mean? When you are battling to receive someone who is repentant, count the injury against you as more than fully paid by the justice of God. Charge it to Jesus’ account. Consider the violent and terrible death of Jesus as more than enough restitution for the sin done against you. Charge it to God’s account, and consider that an eternity in the black flames of banishment from God is justice not for the 300 denarii they owe you, but for the ten thousand talents they owe God. Your three hundred is more than paid for in the first day in Hell.

Either way, every sin that has ever been committed will be paid for. It will be paid for on the cross, or it will be paid for in hell. No one gets away with any sin. If a single sin slipped under the radar, God would not be the perfectly just and fair God He is. But every sin has been or will be punished. “To believe that God will forgive from a mere act of goodwill is to trivialise His holiness’.

Once there is full payment made, there is no reason to not receive a person debt-free. The essence of unforgiveness is to continue to demand payment of the person who has wronged you. It is to see him as your debtor.

That demand for payment can be in the form of hating him in your heart, despising what he did to you, wishing his humiliation or failure or disgrace, meditating on the injury as if it is an outstanding debt, longing for revenge. For as long as you hold that person’s sin as an outstanding debt which is between you and him or her, you have not forgiven.

But in light of the cross, and in light of what the Bible describes as Hell, what are we doing if we refuse to forgive?

Romans 12:17-19 Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men.

If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.

Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.

This is what you are doing. You are usurping God’s place. You are nudging the Almighty out the way, and saying, “You cannot be trusted to keep justice in Your own universe. I will take matters into my hands. I will see to it that this person is punished for their sin.”

That is why bitterness burns the way it does. You are taking upon yourself a God-sized task – that is, punishing the sins of others. The weight of trying to be the Judge, Jury and Executioner of other people exhausts and collapses the human heart. You can’t do it.

You are not wrong for wanting restitution. You are wrong for insisting upon above and beyond the cross of Jesus Christ, and the punishment of hell. Charge it to His account.

I imagine Philemon seeing Onesimus arrive, probably with Tychicus alongside him. Philemon is mostly shocked. Without a word, Onesimus hands him this letter. Philemon goes inside the house and calls Onesimus in. Philemon sits, breaks the seal, and begins reading the letter, with Onesimus standing before him.

His eyes go wide when he sees it is from Paul, and his surprised expression softens to a smile, as he can hear the love of Paul emanating from his written words. And then Philemon flashes glances up at Onesimus while he reads. He can see Onesimus’s face is not the defiant, angry young man he once knew. He is a mixture of penitent, nervous, and patient, as he looks down, waiting for Philemon.

As Philemon reads, he sees that God has answered his prayer – Onesimus has found Christ, or been found by Christ, and is repentant.

And his remaining doubts about how much it has cost him, well, they are swallowed up in the apostle’s offer to cover all the costs. Now, can you imagine Philemon at this point pulling out a scroll, and writing – well, that’s one silver vase – 500 denarii, one purple robe, 1000 denarii, and minutely totalling up all the damages, and then sending Paul the bill? What do you think Philemon is going to do? He is going to write off the debt, for love’s sake.

I see Philemon finishing the letter, looking up, standing, taking him by the shoulders and then saying to Onesimus, “Adelphe”, brother, and giving him the Christian holy kiss, and embracing. I picture Onesimus, weeping, from relief, sadness, and gratitude.

How do we know? Because had Philemon chosen to not forgive, he would no doubt have suppressed and destroyed this personal letter. But having forgiven Onesimus, he no doubt let the church at Colosse read it. And when the story of real-life Christian forgiveness between Christian master and Christian slave spread, so did the copying of the letter, which the Holy Spirit had inspired, and it made its way into the New Testament.

Receive him, like you would me. Charge it to my account. Those become the words of Jesus to you and me.