What is a “real man”? The fact is, there is very little consensus as to what is masculinity. Since the mental and moral revolution of the sixties, it is all the more uncertain as to what manhood, in its pure essence ought to be.

There are many stereotypes, to which men may gravitate. There is the warrior hero – the Davey Crockett who braves the frontier, fights off the enemies, survives by his bravery and strength and protects the weak and innocent. This is a real man, right? Then there’s the romantic conqueror – the suave, dashingly handsome and irresistibly charming man whose shadow makes ladies swoon. With a smile and a few words he is apparently able to make the walls of feminine resistance to his charms come tumbling down. For many, his whole masculinity seems to be the sheer number and frequency of his romantic liaisons.

Then there’s the impulsive risker. This is the man who challenges life’s limitations. He walks right on the edge of ruin or worse, and his gung-ho attitude is his appeal. This is Maverick the cowboy, the free solo rock climber, the Capetonian surfer who greases his surfboard with seal-blood.

Let’s not forget the power playboy. The man who is so business savvy, he quickly rises to the top of his game, being promoted over even his older colleagues, having a golden touch to his business transactions, and just increasing in wealth, power, influence and the do whatever I want lifestyle.

Perhaps manhood is found in the silent brooder. His mysterious nature is his masculinity. This is the strong silent type, with many a secret under his cover of silence, but a Rambo waiting to strike, an ex-Vietnam vet waiting to fight, the Batman-like quiet hero with loads of wisdom and power hidden away. I suppose we could go on and on. We could talk about the extreme athlete – his body honed to perfection and achieving greatness in sport. We could talk about the rugged explorer, the genius scientist.

Who is the authority when it comes to defining the essence of manhood? Every man is certain his brand of masculinity is acceptable, manly enough and probably better than the next man’s.

“Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, But the LORD weighs the hearts.” (Proverbs 21:2)

Truth be told, our idea of manhood is largely imbibed from our fathers, from other male role models in our lives – an older brother, an uncle, a cousin, a friend, a coach, a popular guy at school, or someone we’ve been exposed to through the media.

And not many men consciously question, “What is masculinity?” And more importantly, who is the authority? Who do we turn to to define it for us?

The answer is: God.

26 Then God said, “Let Us make man in Our image, according to Our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping thing that creeps on the earth.” 27 So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. 28 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” (Genesis 1:26-28)

In other words, when God created humans male and female, that masculinity, and for that matter, that femininity found its origin in the all-encompassing, perfect nature and character of God. Unfallen man and his wife were together the two-pieces of a mirror that reflected God.

Anytime you want to know how to operate something, the best place to turn is the designer – the manufacturer. It was God who split humanity into male and female. It was God who made the differences – the strengths and the weaknesses of each. So if we are to understand manhood, our first port of call must be God. And God has communicated to man in His Word. It is going to be the Bible.

If we want to understand what God’s design for manhood is, we need to look at the original design, in the first Adam. We will see what God intended for a man to be. But we know that Adam fell, and we’ll be able to see how sin has marred the original design. And then we’ll see how the Second Adam, the Lord Jesus Christ, came, and was the ultimate expression of manhood.

I am going to suggest three general categories that I believe the Bible outlines as mature masculinity. The Bible reveals mature manhood as being a spiritual planner, a loving provider and a courageous protector. I want us to see this in the first Adam, and in the Second, the life of the Lord Jesus Christ.

I. A Planner After God’s Own Heart

28 Then God blessed them, and God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” (Genesis 1:26-28)

Here is the first thing God does. He blesses Adam and Eve, tells them to have children, and spread across the globe. He then tells them to have dominion over every thing. That means, man is to be God’s appointed ruler of the world. He is a king, a mediator of God’s rule.

What was he to do? He was to bring God’s perfection, and God’s beauty on all the world. Wasn’t it already perfect? It was uncursed. But not all the world was a Garden. Not all the world’s wealth and glory had been unearthed, revealed, and developed. Man is blessed with the responsibility of bringing God’s order, God’s plan, God’s beauty into visible form in the world. God gives man both an assignment, and the authority to carry it out.

Adam was the head, and Eve was the helper. Paul makes this clear by telling us that God deliberately created Adam before Eve.

It would take the willingness to step forward, take initiative, and refuse to be passive.

Man is being given leadership. To lead, man must plan. He must know what is needed, and how to bring that into being. Adam needed to know what God wanted, and to know how to get the world into that state.

Steve Farrar: masculinity as “a willingness to lead, to assume responsibility, and be a self-starter. Masculine men take initiative. It’s an inclination to despise passivity and do the right thing. It’s a willingness to stand alone and be unpopular. It is a desire to protect and provide for one’s family and those who are weak and disadvantaged. It requires courage, honor, and the willingness to sacrifice, even if necessary, one’s own life for the good of others. That’s masculinity.”

Leadership is the art of knowing where those under you need to go, and then taking the initiative to get them there by your influence. Spiritual leadership is knowing where God wants people to be, and taking the initiative to get them there by God’s means.

But instead, sin entered. Sin entered not only through Eve being deceived, but primarily through Adam, not being deceived, followed his wife into sin. Adam chose to give up his role as mediator of God’s rule. He chose to please himself, by being passive as his wife ate, by not answering the doctrine of Satan, by not insisting that they followed God’s plan.

And sin entered.

Leadership is abused by men in two directions. One is where men become abusive dictators. They please themselves by throwing excessive power at the problem. Saul is an example of this kind of spiritual leadership.

The other is where men please themselves by becoming abdicating cowards. Eli is an example of this kind of spiritual leadership.

But our model is the second Adam. When Satan tempted Jesus to divert from God’s plan of the Cross, Jesus answered him with God’s will.

NKJ Matthew 4:1-10

Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. And when He had fasted forty days and forty nights, afterward He was hungry. Now when the tempter came to Him, he said, “If You are the Son of God, command that these stones become bread.” But He answered and said, “It is written, ‘Man shall not live by bread alone, but by every word that proceeds from the mouth of God.’” Then the devil took Him up into the holy city, set Him on the pinnacle of the temple, and said to Him, “If You are the Son of God, throw Yourself down. For it is written, ‘He shall give His angels charge over you,’ and, ‘In their hands they shall bear you up, Lest you dash your foot against a stone.’” Jesus said to him, “It is written again, ‘You shall not tempt the LORD your God.’” Again, the devil took Him up on an exceedingly high mountain, and showed Him all the kingdoms of the world and their glory. And he said to Him, “All these things I will give You if You will fall down and worship me.” Then Jesus said to him, “Away with you, Satan! For it is written, ‘You shall worship the LORD your God, and Him only you shall serve.’”

Jesus explained his own approach:

30 “I can of Myself do nothing. As I hear, I judge; and My judgment is righteous, because I do not seek My own will but the will of the Father who sent Me.” (John 5:30)

38 “For I have come down from heaven, not to do My own will, but the will of Him who sent Me.” (John 6:38)

The Lord Jesus is our model here. He knew what God’s plan was for the world. He did not allow the religious setting of the time to sway him, though He was raised in it. He did not allow the spiritual lukewarmness of His day to cool His desire. He didn’t become passive and draw back, nor did he give in to the flesh and fall into a rage.

Instead, He knew God’s will. He took the initiative to get people to where God wanted them to be.

To him the gatekeeper opens. The sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. (John 10:3)

Are the men spiritual initiators? I Timothy 2 is one of the few places in the New Testament that I am aware of where the Bible clearly demarcates what is desired from the men as opposed to what is desired from the women in a local church setting. And how interesting – the first thing the Bible says when speaking directly to the males, is that they are to be praying. Now we know this is referring to public worship, but the application surely stretches further. Prayer is the spiritual thermometer of a Christian life. So this is surely a synonym for saying – men, assume the spiritual lead in the local church setting. Men are to be the spiritual frontrunners of the church, and they are to do so in prayer. Lifting up holy hands refers to a pure life and ‘without anger or quarrelling’ refers to their relationship with each other. Right with God, right with man, and praying.

When a man is maturing into biblical masculinity, he recognises he is to be a spiritual initiator. He is to initiate in prayer, even when he feels clumsy. He must look for a sound church for his family even if it is in consultation with others. He must actively evangelise his own children even if they resist him.

For a man to hand this entirely over to his wife is not the art of delegation, it is the art of resignation.

II. A Provider After God’s Own Heart

15 Then the LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it. (Genesis 2:15)

The first word of that pair, is translated “tend” is rendered in other translations as “cultivate”, “dress”, “work”. It comes from a Hebrew verb which meant “to serve”.

Now, all of this comes at a time when no sin is in the picture. Work is not part of the curse. Work is part of God’s good design for humans. Adam is to farm, and garden, and grow and cultivate. He is to provide for his family through work.

Now at this point, the ground is not cursed. Work is neither tedious nor frustrating. Adam would reap exactly what he sowed, or possibly even more. But Adam had to provide for his family.

A man is charged by God to be a provider. To be a provider, he must be a worker. But his work is a work of service. He is a servant leader. He meets genuine needs in their order of priority at his own expense. This is real leadership. To know the genuine needs of those entrusted to him, to be able to prioritise those needs, and to sacrifice oneself to do that.

To refuse to do this is to rebel against God’s design.

2 Thessalonians 3:10 For even when we were with you, we commanded you this: If anyone will not work, neither shall he eat. (2 Thessalonians 3:10)

But when Adam and Eve sinned, they rebelled against God’s design. In wanting to be gods, they wanted to be independent of God, independent of having to depend on God. Even before the Fall, Adam would have lived a life of faith: tilling the ground, trusting that God would keep bringing out His goodness in the goodness of the Earth. And every day that Adam worked, he was living in submission to God, being a provider.

But on the day they sinned, Adam was perhaps looking for another way, another life. And once sin entered, this aspect of being a provider became warped in men.

You find the man who now lives to work. He does not work to provide, he works to conquer, to win, to gather up and hoard as much as he can. Picture Adam refusing to see Eve and continuing to dig, prune, and water at 2 in the morning.

You find the man who now lives to escape work. His whole life is taken up with schemes of beating the rat race, winning big, getting a lifetime’s income in one day. Picture Adam lying on his back, and saying to Eve “If I can just master the self-growing and self-picking fruit tree, Eve, we’ll be set for life. Would you mind doing the farming again today while I work on my plan?

Obsessive workaholics or lazy sluggards are both forms of selfishness. A man pleases himself, instead of providing for others.

We see this set straight in the Second Adam. The Good Shepherd knows what His people need.

People thought they knew what Jesus ought to provide. They thought he ought to provide a political victory over the Roman Empire. They saw that as their crying need. If Jesus was less than He was, He would have stooped to spoil the nation, and so gain their favour. But a real man meets the genuine needs in their order of priority. And the greatest need was redemption from sin. So at the cost of his own life, He met our need of reconciliation with God. He provided our spiritual needs.

9 “I am the door. If anyone enters by Me, he will be saved, and will go in and out and find pasture. 10 “The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. (John 10:9-10)

Once again, the fault in many men is not the desire to provide, it is their blindness as to what needs ought to take priority. A man will work a sixty hour week at work to provide a high standard of living, educate the children, have enough for holidays, and eventual retirement. But in the meantime his family languishes spiritually, and sometimes emotionally. And do we really need to remind ourselves that the physical pales into insignificance next to the spiritual? Do we need to remind ourselves of Jesus’ words in Matthew 6: “But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33)

A real man provides for his family spiritually and physically. He feeds his own soul and mouth, and he feeds theirs.

In 1 Corinthians 14:35, wives are instructed to ask their husbands at home regarding spiritual matters. Do you realise what the Bible’s assumption is? It assumes that the husbands will know! It implies their husbands will have the answers they are seeking. Surely this implies that men are taking seriously the call to be in the Word, so as to be a provider for someone else.

He will take time to pray with them, to have times around the Word with them. He will be their counsellor, their teacher. He will answer their questions about eternal matters. If he doesn’t know, he does what a real man does – he finds out. He asks others. He listens to other teachers. He reads books.

He takes seriously the command of Deuteronomy 6: “And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up.” (Deuteronomy 6:6-7)

And of course, there are the physical needs of housing, groceries, clothing, transport, medical bills, insurance and so forth. But when he is saved and grows into the image of Christ, his goal is to please Christ. As such, He will be a loving provider.

But if anyone does not provide for his own, and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever. (1 Timothy 5:8)

III. A Protector After God’s Own Heart

15 Then the LORD God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to tend and keep it. (Genesis 2:15)

The second word in that pair is the Hebrew word shamar, which means to protect. In fact, this combination of words is used of the priests in Numbers 3:7-8. Adam functioned in a priestly role for his family. He not only provided, he was to protect.

It’s the same word for what the cherubim are to do after man has sinned: guard against anyone accessing the Tree of Life.

What was there to protect against? Well, we know there was at least one Enemy about. We know that there was one threat to his wife, to himself, to the order in the Garden. And whether or not that threat was present, Adam was to watch over the whole Garden, see to its health and safety, make sure all was in order.

Instead, what did Adam do? He appears to have allowed the Serpent into the Garden. And when Eve is having this conversation with Satan, Adam is standing right there! He is not interrupting the Serpent, not rebuking the lies, not telling Eve to end the conversation. Adam allows the invasion, watches the deception, and participates in the rebellion.

And now that sin was in the picture, what happened to this masculine trait of protection?

Some men turned from protectors into predators, using the vulnerability and weakness of others as a thing to be exploited, used, possessed. Murder, theft, rape, abuse is all a satanic distortion of strength that was meant to be used to protect those weaker, now being used to prey on them.

The other extreme is men who turned into cowards, allowing their fear to rule them, and to make an idol out of self-protection or even survival. Refusing to defend, refusing to fight, refusing to speak up and out, or go to war, or stand in harm’s way. So when a good portion of the men are preying on the women and children and the disabled, and another good portion of the men are too afraid to stand up to the predators, what kind of world do you have?

But into this dark world came the second Adam.

The Lord Jesus Christ was the ultimate protector of His sheep. He knew the danger – our own sin and its penalty of hell; Satan and his schemes and world system, false doctrine that would deceive and consequently destroy. So He came to earth and absorbed the danger. He faced God’s wrath on our behalf, He disarmed and defeated the Devil, He combated false doctrine with the true. He stood in the gap.

His own words were: “I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. He who is a hired hand and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them.” (John 10:11-12)

Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong. (1 Corinthians 16:13)

Mature masculinity does not only provide spiritually and physically, it protects. All men have known that God has entrusted men to be the physical protector of their wives and children, and for that matter – of their community and nation. Men, our designated role is to be Protective Warriors. We are to defend those entrusted to us from what will harm them. That includes our wives, if we are married, our children, grandchildren, to a lesser degree our community, and others placed under our care.

As a protector a man protects those entrusted to him, defends them from what will harm them. To do so, he must know the dangers and arm himself. He stands in the gap to absorb the danger and shield those under him.

To be an effective Protective Warrior we must know the dangers. That is, we must know what is most dangerous. Many a man, because of his distance from Christ, does not see that more harm comes to his family through the internet and the television than will ever jump over the electric fence. Many a man beefs up the physical security but lets all manner of television programmes, videos, music, DVDs, Internet sites, books, magazines enter his home.

He is not vigilant as to who his children’s friends are, who they spend their time with. He is not protecting the family from false doctrine, nor is he battling against the flesh in their lives. He does not protect his wife from materialism and superficiality, he indulges it. He does not fight a spiritual lukewarmness in his church, he is content to adjust to that temperature himself.

The reason is, he is feeding his flesh himself. That is why the verse we read says, “Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.” (1 Corinthians 16:13)

To be a protector, a man must understand what will harm those under him most. He must have a heavenly perspective. You must understand what the real dangers are.

And then, stand in the gap. Protect. Take it on the chin when there is opposition from those you are trying to protect. Jesus gets much resistance from those He is trying to protect. So must we if we are to be real men.

It takes courage to be a warrior. But the Biblical incentive to courage has always been these words: “Fear not, for I am with you, says the Lord.” When you protect your home, your church, your loved ones from spiritual or physical danger, God says – I am with you. I will strengthen you.

Biblical masculinity is Christlikeness expressed through a male. While it will look different in different personalities, it will have this much in common – the man will be a spiritual initiator, he will be a loving provider, and he will be a protective warrior.

How does that happen?

Answer: It begins with an event that starts off a process. The event is the event of salvation.

But this event begins a process. It is a lifelong process. It is the process of sanctification or to put it another way – growth into Christlikeness. Though at the moment of salvation – Jesus becomes your new life, Jesus comes to dwell within you in His Holy Spirit, there is now a lifetime of work to be done to become more like Christ.

The Bible describes this process in 2 Corinthians 3:18:

“And we all, with unveiled face, beholding the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another. For this comes from the Lord who is the Spirit.” (2 Corinthians 3:18)

The process is one of beholding Jesus Christ through the Holy Spirit’s illumination of Him. The Spirit shows you Jesus Christ in the Word. As you behold it, the life of Christ within you seeks to take on the same image. Like a plant photosynthesises sunlight, the life of Christ within you responds to the light of Christ in the Word, creating the will to please God and the ability to please God. Your mind is renewed – it is changed by increasing exposure to Him. As such – you put off the old man – the sinful, rebellious unChristlike, and hence unmasculine man, and you put on the new man, created in the image of Christ – the most masculine man you could become.