A number of fascinating stories have arisen in the last few years of identical twins separated at birth, adopted by different families, and then re-united in adulthood. Even though these twins lived far apart, sometimes on different continents, the similarities are often striking. Barbara Herbert and Daphne Goodship were adopted by separate families after their mother committed suicide. When they were reunited as adults, they discovered many strange coincidences in their lives. Both left school at 14 and met their husbands when they were 16. Both suffered miscarriages in the same month, then had two sons and a daughter. Both preferred their coffee cold and had phobias about blood and heights. They have the same heart murmur, thyroid problem, and allergies. James Arthur Springer and James Edward Lewis were adopted by different families and grew up apart. In 1979, at the age of thirty-nine, they were reunited. After becoming involved with the Minnesota Twin Family Study, some remarkable similarities were established. Both were six feet tall and weighed 180 lbs, both had been married twice. Even more incredibly, both of their first wives were named Linda and their second wives were named Betty, their sons had the same names (James Alan and James Allan), both had a dog named Toy growing up, both worked in law enforcement as sheriffs (source: https://www.verywell.com/stories-of-twins-separated-at-birth-2447136).
It’s hard to explain those kinds of things, but they do illustrate the power of family identity. Identical twins have identical DNA (although, fascinatingly enough, they have different fingerprints). But their shared family identity exerts a powerful influence on their life and behaviour.
Family identity is an important sign of being born from above. We are, in this series, looking for all those Scriptures that make it very clear what someone who is born from above is and does. We’re distinguishing sure signs from possible false flags. A false flag is something that may be true of a believer, but it could also be true of an unbeliever, and therefore should not be relied on as a test for regeneration. A sure sign is something Scripture says is true only of those born from above, born of God, born again.
We come to the second sure sign of regeneration, one which is repeated many times in Scripture.
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.
He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. (1 Jn. 4:7-8)
We can summarise this sign like this: the mark of being truly born again is loving identification with the family of God. The truly regenerate person sees God’s family as his or her own family and loves it. Now we’ll return to that verse to explain it, but let me again point out some false flags, some ambiguous signs which are often mistaken for this mark.
False Flags: Involvement in Church or Religion
First, it is no sure sign that you have been born from above because you are involved in church or religion. Probably most people in the world want to belong to something, be involved in some group or organisation bigger than themselves. And the Bible is replete with examples of people who were involved in religion, but were not spiritually alive. Consider that Jesus said of a whole church – the church at Sardis – “I know your works, that you have a name that you are alive, but you are dead.” (Rev. 3:1) Here was a local church, functioning in every outward capacity – preaching, baptising, doing the Lord’s Supper, but Jesus said they were not regenerate. Most of them were not born again.
Religious involvement does not bring life. If there is life, there will be religious involvement, but it is possible to be dead and be involved. No one illustrates that better than the Pharisees. You couldn’t have met more religiously involved people: zealous, exacting, scrupulous over the things of religion. But according to Jesus, they were dead:
“Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you are like whitewashed tombs which indeed appear beautiful outwardly, but inside are full of dead men’s bones and all uncleanness.
Even so you also outwardly appear righteous to men, but inside you are full of hypocrisy and lawlessness.”
(Matt. 23:27-28)
False Flags: Inclusion in a Church through Baptism and Membership
We can take it further than involvement. It is no sure sign that you are born from above that you have been included in a church through baptism and membership. Not just involved, but included, brought in, recognised.
But there was a certain man called Simon, who previously practiced sorcery in the city and astonished the people of Samaria, claiming that he was someone great, to whom they all gave heed, from the least to the greatest, saying, “This man is the great power of God.”
And they heeded him because he had astonished them with his sorceries for a long time.
But when they believed Philip as he preached the things concerning the kingdom of God and the name of Jesus Christ, both men and women were baptized.
Then Simon himself also believed; and when he was baptized he continued with Philip, and was amazed, seeing the miracles and signs which were done.
Now when the apostles who were at Jerusalem heard that Samaria had received the word of God, they sent Peter and John to them,
who, when they had come down, prayed for them that they might receive the Holy Spirit.
For as yet He had fallen upon none of them. They had only been baptized in the name of the Lord Jesus.
Then they laid hands on them, and they received the Holy Spirit.
And when Simon saw that through the laying on of the apostles’ hands the Holy Spirit was given, he offered them money,
saying, “Give me this power also, that anyone on whom I lay hands may receive the Holy Spirit.”
But Peter said to him, “Your money perish with you, because you thought that the gift of God could be purchased with money!
You have neither part nor portion in this matter, for your heart is not right in the sight of God.
Repent therefore of this your wickedness, and pray God if perhaps the thought of your heart may be forgiven you.
For I see that you are poisoned by bitterness and bound by iniquity.”
Then Simon answered and said, “Pray to the Lord for me, that none of the things which you have spoken may come upon me.”
(Acts 8:9-24)
Here you had a man who seemed to believe in Jesus. His profession of faith was believable enough that he was baptised by the church at Samaria. He had passed the filters of the local church, demonstrating a mental understanding of the Gospel, being willing to publicly identify with Christ. But when the apostles from Jerusalem came up to Samaria, he saw the unique power of the apostles, Peter using the keys that Jesus had given him to extend the Gospel to Jerusalem, Judea, and Samaria, with the external sign of the Holy Spirit’s indwelling. Simon sees this and his unregenerate heart lusts for this kind of power. Still being an unbeliever, he hasn’t grasped the idea of grace – he still thinks it is a trade, a deal, a purchase that can be made with money. And Peter rebukes him sternly, using several phrases to show he is an unbeliever: he is going to perish, he has no part or portion in the work of God, his heart is not right with God, he needs to repent of wickedness, he is poisoned by bitterness and bound by iniquity.
This is said of someone who had been baptised by the church in Samaria.
Now given what we saw last week about self-deception, I think professing your faith before a healthy local church in baptism and church membership is one of the most important things you can do. I don’t want to rest on my own sincerity, or trust in my trust, or take confidence in my self-confidence. I want to submit myself to a properly organised local church, to which Jesus said the power to bind and loose has been given. Churches corporately recognise faith in Christ, and corporately discipline rejection of Christ. So I am not saying this is unimportant or even optional. I am saying that being included in a church by itself is no sure sign. You can give a testimony that checks all the boxes, and outwardly, no one has any reason to doubt your faith in Christ. But believers can only judge by what you say and by what they see, and so it is not a sure sign that you have been born of God.
False Flags: Active Ministry
Connected to involvement and inclusion is a third thing which can be a false flag: it is active ministry. You can not only draw near to a church, be included in that church, but you can begin doing Christian service, and it is no sure sign of being regenerate. Remember Christ’s words in Matthew 7:
“Not everyone who says to Me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven.
Many will say to Me in that day, ‘Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name, and done many wonders in Your name?’
And then I will declare to them, ‘I never knew you; depart from Me, you who practice lawlessness!'”
(Matt. 7:21-23)
The striking thing about Christ’s words is that he does not deny that these people did those works, or even that they were miraculous. What he denies is involvement. “I never knew you” means we were never in union, so I was not the source of those works. You might have done them in My name, or for me, but I was not behind it all, empowering you, enabling you.” They will be shocked, because nothing is more comforting to people than to use religious works as evidence they are right with God. And the bigger the works, the more of them, the more people feel they must be righteous. Read how Paul overturned this thinking in Philippians 3.
For we are the circumcision, who worship God in the Spirit, rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh,
though I also might have confidence in the flesh. If anyone else thinks he may have confidence in the flesh, I more so:
circumcised the eighth day, of the stock of Israel, of the tribe of Benjamin, a Hebrew of the Hebrews; concerning the law, a Pharisee;
concerning zeal, persecuting the church; concerning the righteousness which is in the law, blameless.
But what things were gain to me, these I have counted loss for Christ.
Yet indeed I also count all things loss for the excellence of the knowledge of Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them as rubbish, that I may gain Christ
and be found in Him, not having my own righteousness, which is from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which is from God by faith;
(Phil. 3:3-9)
In 2005, a secular Jewish lady named Gina Welch decided that she wanted to understand Christian evangelicals, so she decided to go undercover, pretend to be a believer, and take notes for a year. She joined Thomas Road Baptist Church, pretending to be a new convert. Unbelieving, she was baptised. Unbelieving, she took the Lord’s Supper. Unbelieving, she went on a mission trip to Alaska and led a little girl through the sinner’s prayer. But all along, she remained unconverted. And she then wrote her experience in a book called “In the Land of Believers” in which she comes out as never having believed any of it, but having convinced everyone around her that she was a believer, and having been used in Christian ministry.
Religious involvement is not a sure sign. True believers will be involved, but unbelievers can be involved too. Religious inclusion is not a sure sign. True believers should want to be in covenant with a healthy local church, but unbelievers can slip into even the best churches. Active ministry is no sure sign. True believers will serve and minister, but Judas, Balaam and Diotrephes show us that you can be in ministry and not be in Christ.
So let us return to our Scripture in 1 John 4, which details for us the sure sign of being born of the Spirit.
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.
He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. (1 Jn. 4:7-8)
Everyone who loves is born of God. The sure sign of being born of God is love, and the lack thereof means the person does not know God. But this is not a vague, generic love, a warm feeling about the world. No, John is clear whom we are supposed to love: let us love one another. The ‘one another’ here refers to fellow believers, fellow Christians. What John is talking about is not merely a sentiment, but a family bond. John uses language which emphasises that this love is rooted in a family connection, a shared blood, a common parentage. John is going to show us that love for one another is very different from merely being included in a church or involved or even active. He shows us that this kind of love is a loving identification with the family of God.
First, those born from above know God as Father.
1 John 3:1 Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him.
Beloved, now we are children of God; and it has not yet been revealed what we shall be, but we know that when He is revealed, we shall be like Him, for we shall see Him as He is.
(1 Jn. 3:1-2)
When the new birth has taken place, a person is aware that a change in relationship with God has taken place. Whereas before He was God, Creator, Lord, now, He is Father. Paul describes this in Galatians 4:6-7
And because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into your hearts, crying out, “Abba, Father!
Therefore you are no longer a slave but a son, and if a son, then an heir of God through Christ.
(Gal. 4:6-7)
Once you are born from above, the Holy Spirit within prompts you to think of God, to address God, to approach God as a child before his or her father. No one has to coach you to do it; it is coming from within.
I have many roles in my life. I am a husband, I am a father, I am a son, I am a brother. I am a pastor. I am a teacher. I am a friend. But when my children see me or think of me, which of those roles should be the primary one they think of? Father. It would be an odd thing if my children saw me coming and said, “Look, here comes the pastor of NCBC!” or “Here comes the husband of Erin!” What would be natural is if when they think of me, or speak to me, the word and the idea is “Daddy”.
Now God is also many things. He is Creator, He is Master, He is Sustainer, He is Judge, He is Lord of all. But when someone is born from above, what is the primary way you identify Him? Father. Abba. The Aramaic word Abba is word the communicates intimacy, a word of loving closeness. Before the coming of Jesus, no one would have thought of addressing God as “Abba”. But this has changed. As John 1:12 says,
But as many as received Him, to them He gave the right to become children of God, to those who believe in His name:
(Jn. 1:12)
When you begin praying, perhaps even in those moments of emergency when you cry out to God, how do you think of Him? How do you address Him? Is there a deep identification with God as Father?
Second, those born from above love the other children of God.
1 John 5:1 Whoever believes that Jesus is the Christ is born of God, and everyone who loves Him who begot also loves him who is begotten of Him.
Notice the idea here: if you love Him who begot – the Father – you will also love those begotten of Him – other Christians. Your family love for God that comes out of having God’s nature in you, will find a love for others with the same nature in them.
If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen?
And this commandment we have from Him: that he who loves God must love his brother also.
(1 Jn. 4:20-21)
A love for God as Father extends to those from the Father. Jesus said to them,
“If God were your Father, you would love Me, for I proceeded forth and came from God; nor have I come of Myself, but He sent Me.”
(Jn. 8:42)
So much so, that John says love for the invisible God is shown in love for your visible brother:
No one has seen God at any time. If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us.
(1 Jn. 4:12)
A sure sign of life is love for the brethren.
In this the children of God and the children of the devil are manifest: Whoever does not practice righteousness is not of God, nor is he who does not love his brother.
For this is the message that you heard from the beginning, that we should love one another,
not as Cain who was of the wicked one and murdered his brother. And why did he murder him? Because his works were evil and his brother’s righteous.
Do not marvel, my brethren, if the world hates you.
We know that we have passed from death to life, because we love the brethren. He who does not love his brother abides in death.
Whoever hates his brother is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life abiding in him.
By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.
(1 Jn. 3:10-16)
Now this illustration helps us understand what it means to love one another. In a family, love between brother and sister does not always mean the tenderest of feelings. Siblings may often be very irritating to each other, annoying, or obnoxious. Brothers in a family might not have ended up friends had they not been born in the same household. But what remains in any healthy family? A deep-seated loyalty to one another. You hear people saying to each other, “Well, in the end, it’s family. He’s family. Blood is thicker than water.”
Someone born from above has that deep family kinship with other believers. The family of God is made up of all kinds of people, some of which rub you the wrong way, annoy you, or are not the sort of people you’d choose as companions. But when you are born from above, there is this kinship that says, “These are my people. These are the people I go to in an emergency. These are the people who, wherever I go in the world, I seek out. These are closer to me in priorities and loves than my physical family.”
John describes this brother to brother love in the next verses.
By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us. And we also ought to lay down our lives for the brethren.
But whoever has this world’s goods, and sees his brother in need, and shuts up his heart from him, how does the love of God abide in him?
My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.
(1 Jn. 3:16-18)
At the heart of love for one another is a willingness to sacrifice to meet needs. Whether it is the need for food, or the need for encouragement, the need for counsel, the need for rebuke, the need for advice, the need for comfort, brothers and sister meet needs. When I feel the needs of my brothers and sisters more than I feel my own need, and I leave my comforts and conveniences to meet those needs, it’s because I feel the family bond.
And it’s difficult. “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket–safe, dark, motionless, airless–it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable…The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers…of love is Hell.” – C.S. Lewis
Third, those born from above recognise that the world is no longer their family.
4 For whatever is born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world– our faith.
5 Who is he who overcomes the world, but he who believes that Jesus is the Son of God?
(1 Jn. 5:4-5)
John says those born of God overcome the world. What does that mean? It means the world does not assimilate them and squeeze them into its mold. Instead, because believers are possessed of faith, they escape the gravitational pull of the world.
Why? John is emphatic that the world is a different family.
We know that we are of God, and the whole world lies under the sway of the wicked one.
(1 Jn. 5:19)
1 John 3:1 Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him.
(1 Jn. 3:1)
Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him.
For all that is in the world– the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life– is not of the Father but is of the world.
And the world is passing away, and the lust of it; but he who does the will of God abides forever.
(1 Jn. 2:15-17)
The world refers to a culture, a way of thinking and acting which Satan is the mastermind behind. He grows and develops this system wherever there is the society of unbelievers. It can take all kinds of shapes and forms, but its root beliefs are lust of the flesh, lust of the eyes, and pride of life: temporal gratification, temporal ambition and desire, and temporal independence.
Now when you love these things, you love what God hates. You can’t do that all your life and be a child of God, because your new nature will struggle to love what you should hate, and to hate what you should love. And make no mistake, it goes both ways. God hates the system of worldliness, but the world hates the system of righteousness.
Do not marvel, my brethren, if the world hates you.
(1 Jn. 3:13)
Now if God is your Father, and if other Christians are your true brothers and sisters, you should sense a kind of alienation from the world. Yes, you work with them, you do business with them, you might be part of certain societies or associations or groups in which you must be with them. But what you feel when you are a child of God amongst the world is, these are not my people.
What they love, what they desire, what they take pleasure in, what they laugh at, what they long for, what they live for, is not what I love or desire.
I am not at home with them, because the most important thing in my life is not the most important thing in their lives.
This is why it is hard for me to understand how a Christian would want to court or date an unbeliever. If you are born from above, then fundamental to your identity is God as Father, Christ as Lord, Spirit as indwelling Comforter. To pursue the closest of loves with someone who does not love what you love, means you either don’t love what God loves, or you are very torn and mixed up as to what is most important to you.
A Christian has to be in the world all week, but longs for the Lord’s Day to be with his people, her people. A Christian sees the billboards, hears the songs, sees the movie trailers, and says, “Not my values. Not what I love. Not what I think life is about.”
Now each of us should be evangelists. Each of us should love our neighbours and seek to reach them. But I confess to how exhausting I find it spending extended time in the company of unbelievers. I am a fish out of water, and I long to get back to believers. Nothing wrong with having friends who are unbelievers. Nothing wrong with being able to enjoy an innocent day’s pleasure with unbelievers.
But when those unbelievers are revelling in their worldly way of life, their worldly beliefs – what do you do? Do you join in? Or do you in those moments think about the people of God, and long to be with them?
You can see why involvement in a church, inclusion in a church, ministry in a church are not sure signs. They are good signs, but not sure signs.
This is deep family identity. In your spiritual DNA, God is Father, Christ is your life, by the indwelling Spirit. And so you are kin with those who have the same nature, and you feel all the loving duties and responsibilities to your spiritual family that you would to your physical. And unbelievers don’t have that nature, they have a different father, and when they act in line with that, there should be a profound sense of alienation. Jacob wanted to be buried with his people, not in Egypt, and so we should long to be with our people, in life and in death.
There is no physical test you can do to test your spiritual DNA. But you can ask these three questions:
- Is God primarily Father to me?
- Do I see other believers as my family to whom I owe my love?
- Do I see the world as a different family, from which I am separate?